Airlines
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Intro
The skies are dark these days. After 9/11, the Amerikan Government has made it more difficult to get on a plane even the traditional way. The safest way to get free or cheap airfare is to see if somebody in the "general aviation", or private pilots, have room for you. Many may get sketched out by this, so look for people who seem cool about it. It may sweeten the pot a bit if you act like a young college kid, a plane nut, or offer some cash for airplane fuel (like, $20-50) or a place to spend the night if it's a cross-country trip in a Piper Cub. One of the best offers for trade is to wash the plane before or after the flight, have a bucket and clean sponge ready, hang out in the airstrip coffee shop and look for pilots. Always look for airports that offer lessons and grab a pilot burning air hours to upgrade their license. It could very well be a loud ride and you may not get there as fast as a jet (prop planes go about 1/2 the speed of a jet), but its an amazing experience, and it beats driving!
(Not)Skyjacking
Only an idiot would try hijacking a flight after 9/11. Some pilots now are armed and sky marshals who are on a small percentage of domestic and international flights have orders to shoot to kill if anyone tries to take control of the aircraft. We aren't really scared of these people and the few flights they are on, we are really scared of what a gang of flying rednecks would do to be like the pocketknife guys on 9/11 and save the day. Please ignore Abby's advice from a simpler era. Take comfort in the fact that the airport-pigs are mostly simple power hungry types if your non-skyjacking scam is outside of what they are ordered to watch for and your documents appear to be in order you are likely home free much easier than in the old days.
Fre-E-Ticket Hopper
Once you have passed the frat hazing dances like the removed shoes shuffle, the trashed shampoo swing, and the rectal exam jam the TSA freaks feel they have pulled out all of the rebels, what sane unbroken person would not take a swing at their crudely grunted orders. Your guerrilla acting skills have gotten you past, and on to cashing in on Abbie's dream of free flying for the bold.
- Pick up a few e-ticket boarding passes from the trash outside an airport to copy, these are printed on a home computer.
- Find a print cartridge that is won't print right or set your paint program to (a)put streaks parallel into the bar-code and (b)wipe out a few numbers under the bar code, both are important.
- Print out a new e-ticket with the correct date and where you want to fly. You have to use extreme caution that the flight number and time and other details are exactly right.
- Arrive at the airport dressed nicely, you want to look vanilla.
- Wait until right before final boarding call and rush up, when the bar-code scan doesn't work they will usually send you aboard.
- Since you should be the last guy boarding grab an open seat in first class and start asking for the free booze.
If this plan doesn't get you a wave through right away, before they even hassle you or offer to access the computer try to find you on the computer claim to have another ticket leaving right now (know the flight number and gate) that you have to run to on another airline because you thought you would miss this flight, stay cool, get gone, try again later. Since this trick requires speed a little stress and carelessness on the part of the agent don't try any other scams like having them gate check an extra bag, being late is the best way to stay out of trouble with this gag.
Missionary Position
Many missionary organizations will fly you to a third-world country for free to preach the word of Jebus to the heathen locals, and fly you back in a year or so. Do your research before working with an organization many also pressure you to self fund your trip. Simply ditch out for the year, peruse the more touristy spots, make some money, etc., then return when the time is up with some cock-and-bull story of independent missionary work prepared you might even bogus up a diary as proof. These people are usualy not hard-asses, so even if they don't buy it for a second, they won't ditch you in deepest, darkest Peru, but research them and feel them out to see if they sue ditchers.
Jewish kids (religious and non religious) can often get free rides to Israel in summer through several Jewish programs.
Around The World Tickets
If you have a year off and want to hit many locations as you tour an around the world ticket is likely the fare you want. Before leaving find out how many stops you can make and how long the ticket will be valid. Most RTW tickets will end up cheaper than a long trip and return to Europe or Australia from North America.
Air Courier
Believe it or not, you can fly on the cheap if you deliver a package to the city of your destination... and no, there's no drugs or other contraband involved. Flying as an air courier is a dirt cheap way of travel. There are a few catches: You have to sign up for the program (try http://www.AirCourier.org or http://www.Courier.org) and pay an initiation fee and/or annual dues; You need to be at least 18 (or in some cases 21); You need a valid passport and a clean-cut appearance; You're responsible for getting your own Visa(s); You're limited to carry-on baggage and the flight schedules can be erratic (You may be flying the Red Eye to Singapore after only two day's notice). On the plus side, you can fly for up to an 85% discount and your Air Courier ID card can get you hotel discounts. If you want to, you can schedule additional assignments from your destination and turn your trip into a Grand Tour. If you travel frequently and don't mind last-minute booking, consider this option. If you do, keep a list of the phone numbers of your country's embassies overseas. Research the agency you are working through, some are scam fronts that want a large membership fee up front and may not ever provide real courrier work or any reasonable fare discount.
Upgrades
Dress nice and ask politely for an upgrade for First or Business Class, on long flights the free booze and leg room is sometimes still just a request away. You might offer to wait for the next flight in the schedule if the volume is heavy and they need a few open seats, but it will be worth it on long flights. If you are "bumped" from an overbooked flight, you may get an upgraded seat if you raise enough of a fuss (If they do, it's mostly just to keep you quiet).
Support Gear
Have your in flight support gear in your carry on bag, buy a inflight audio plug adapter (two pin) and get some old style tube earphones for older airplanes. For those who are more sensitive when trying to nap, your pillow or neck pillow and a nicer sleeping mask and earplugs or noise canceling earphones(music works too) might make a difference. If you have a HPC or PDA you can extend the usable life on long flights with a external AA battery pack, now your e-book, movies, or music will last.
On newer aircraft (especially in first and business class) your seat may have a laptop power plug, but you will need a special adaptor. Getting an air-to ciggarette (12v) adaptor and a 12v to 120v adaptor will allow you to plug the gadgets made for Cars, and your normal laptop power brick. There are 'all in one' auto/air adaptors but they are expensive! Buying them separately and pluging them in yourself is a better solution.
Beating the Luggage Surcharge
You can avoid the $35 or so for that second piece of luggage by getting in touch with a friend, supportive relative or other trustworthy contact waiting for you at your destination and ship them your secondary gear a week or so before your flight, so it will be waiting for you when you arrive. When returning, take your less than necessary items and ship them back home before you leave.
Sky Phones
We have tried to stealthily use our mobile phones and a data cable to get an Internet connection over the US and Europe without sucess, but SMS reception seems to work at times. There are plans afoot for airlines to have their own hyper-expensive roaming plan with a special mini cell station on the airplane. Try to hack the Air-Fone on the seatback for free calls, with a modem port for super slow data you might get one or two web pages to load during the flight for a price of around $8 a minute.
Bicycles
If you are flying with a bicycle visit a bike shop and ask for a free box, if they want money go to the next shop, these are thrown away otherwise. If you have a full size bike you will normaly be charged for oversize, so stuff the box with other gear too. Remove wheels and pedals, take off the deraeuler and zip tie to the frame, load the frame against one side of the box and the wheels on the other, remove the skewers and tape the pedals together then to the frame. Carry the tools to attach your pedals. Use fiber packing tape to secure the box and pack the tape and loading instructions in the box for security repacking.
If you have a folding bike use similar technique and even a 20" wheel bike should fit into a regular check suitcase if you remove the wheels, deraileur, and seat post from the frame. Bike Friday in Eugene, Oregon sells a clamshell suitcase drilled for a trailer tongue and wheels that attach to the suitcase with wingnuts, the suitcase that your folding bike rides in becomes the trailer, we expect that you could also make such a setup for much less with a trip to the thrift store and hardware shop.
Guns
Legal firearms and limited ammo can be checked on domestic flights and with proper permits also international flights. A record may be kept that you have traveled with firearms. Cover your locked gun case with a generic cardboard box. Pyrotechnics are not allowed including signal flares.
Heavy Baggage
After your check in and weigh and tag your bags go back and add a few pounds of stuff before giving to the freight guy. Overload your carry-on with heavy stuff if you can avoid an overweight charge but make sure the bag still fits into the size test box. Grab a few duty-free bags so you look legit taking extra stuff on as carryon. Sometimes you can gate check stuff like strollers and wheelchairs so you will have them right away at landing.
Camping Hear
Camping gear that uses stinky fuel cant be taken along unless you clean out the fuel bottles with alcohol and let them dry, leave the bottles open, if there is a problem with your clean fuel bottles or stove ask for a manager. Compressed fuel is not allowed on flights, mail it to general delivery at your destination.
Stowing Away
We in no way recommend this foolhardy way of catching a ride in the skies, this is information for someone desperate enough to try this anyway. Most stow away attempts are made at airports outside the United States where security is lower. Most of these attempts result in the crush death of the stow away as the landing gear comes up or when the rider dies of hypoxia (lack of oxygen) or hypothermia (cold exposure). It is much better to fake your way on board with fake ID as a bogus pilot or flight attendant then this 90% fatal stunt.
Anyone planning to stow away needs to plan for where to hide from the security teams but also avoid the retracting landing gear, do some research into the design of the aircraft and evaluate the space one more time as you crawl in and attach your climbing harness taking into account any attachments on the landing gear.
Avoiding the cold requires planning for many hours at forty degrees below zero F. Mountaineering grade clothing must be worn paying particular attention to keeping your hands and feet from frostbite and your head armpits and crotch well insulated to keep your core temperature. Some aircraft have hot pipes that pass through the wheel wells which might save your hands or feet. Be sure to eat a very protein and fat heavy meal before and carry water with you in durable bottles for the flight inside your coat. Don't go if you are having any gas or ear problems at all the change in altitude cauld cause massive pain and damage.
Oxygen is required since a modern jet flies between 35000 and 40000 feet, hypoxia kills most airplane stow aways. A non-rebreather or even better a pressure type aviation oxygen mask mask fed with oxygen from a paramedic type oxygen bottle will keep you alive and often even conscious during the trip but don't expect one small bottle to last the whole flight, plan for blacking out at altitude. Be sure to calculate oxygen use and carry enough or you will likely die from hypoxia. Representative oxygen bottle sizes and duration at 15,000 ft not using a CO2 scrubber rebreather.
Cubic Feet 6 CU. FT. 9 CU. FT. 15 CU. FT. 24 CU. FT. Capacity L 198 liters 297 liters 495 liters 792 liters Duration 5:28 hours 8:07 hours 13:48 hours 22:42 hours
Bottle life will actually be better at higher altitude since each breath takes in less bottle volume. Breathe slowly conserving oxygen, set the oxygen flow to just fill the reservoir bag below the mask so you get a good breath without wasting. This chart is a guide, only trust your own research.
The rebreather design in Underwater Trashing will give you many times longer oxygen supply from the same volume of oxygen because it doesn't waste good oxygen but recycles it scrubbing out the CO2 waste. Be sure the rebreather system has a demand valve so you do not need to manually add oxygen to your loop if you black out.
Once you have go so far as to prepare an oxygen system you should invest the time and money in finding a quality parachute, that way as soon as the landing gear door opens you can jump and avoid the security patrol at the destination airport and probably jail or deportation. This works better if you arrive at night when people will not see the parachutist drop from a commercial airliner near the airport.
Now, after reading this, ask yourself this question: Do you still want to try this incredibly stupid stunt?
Mail Yourself
Dead bodies in caskets and large parcels are frequently sent as air freight on passenger and cargo flights. The good news is unlike a deathwish inside a wheel well the cargo area is pressurized and kept at normal temperatures, the only thing missing is drink service, movies, and dogfood meals. If you are the really paranoid type have a friend do a gray or green latex face mask job to make you look like a sculpture in case the feds make a check on the box before it goes into the airplane, whatever you do make the packing list match your reasonable weight. Be sure you are overnighting or next day shipping yourself or you could get stuck in a warehouse for a few days, have a tool to break out in case of emergencies.
If you are going with the casket gig you will need a copy of the "death certificate" and a burial permit, the good news is you will not need long term reservations. If you go out like the title character in the film "Weekend at Bernie's" you should be able to make a few trips to Hawaii and South America before you begin to smell bad. This trick should freak out the feds now they will have open every casket to taser the corpses just to be sure!! Always have your straighter friends ask for the bereavement discount as they accompany the dearly departing at gate 27, final boarding call.
Original Airlines
Up and away, junior outlaws! If you really want to get where you're going in a hurry, don't forget skyjacker's paradise. Don't forget the airlines. They make an unbelievable amount of bread on their inflated prices, ruin the land with incredible amounts of polluting wastes and noise, and deliberately hold back aviation advances that would reduce prices and time of flight. We know two foolproof methods to fly free, but unfortunately we feel publishing them would cause the airlines to change their policy. The following methods have been talked about enough, so the time seems right to make them known to a larger circle of friends.
A word should be said right off about stolen tickets. Literally millions of dollars worth of airline tickets are stolen each year. If you have good underworld contacts, you can get a ticket to anywhere you want at one-fourth the regular price. If you are charged more, you are getting a slight rooking. In any case, you can get a ticket for any flight or date and just trade it in. They are actually as good as cash, except that it takes 30 days to get a refund, and by then they might have traced the stolen tickets. If you can get a stolen ticket, exchange or use it as soon as possible, and always fly under a phony name. A stolen ticket for a trip around the world currently goes for one hundred and fifty dollars in New York.
One successful scheme requires access to the mailbox of a person listed in the local phone book. Let's use the name Ron Davis as an example. A woman calls one of the airlines with a very efficient sounding rap such as: "Hello, this is Mr. Davis' secretary at Allied Chemical. He and his wife would like to fly to Chicago on Friday. Could you mail two first-class tickets to his home and bill us here at Allied?" Every major corporation probably has a Ron Davis, and the airlines rarely bother checking anyway. Order your tickets two days before you wish to travel, and pick them up at the mailbox or address you had them sent to. If you are uptight in the airport about the tickets, just go up to another airline and have the tickets exchanged.
One gutsy way to hitch a free ride is to board the plane without a ticket. This is how it works. Locate the flight you want and rummage through a wastebasket until you find an envelope for that particular airline. Shuffle by the counter men (which is fairly easy if it's busy). When the boarding call is made, stand in line and get on the plane. Flash the empty envelope at the stewardess as you board the plane. Carry a number of packages as a decoy, so the stewardess won t ask you to open the envelope. If she does, which is rare, and sees you have no ticket, act surprised. "Oh my gosh, it must have fallen out in the wash room," will do fine. Run back down the ramp as if you're going to retrieve the ticket. Disappear and try later on a different airline. Nine out of ten revolutionaries say it's the only way to fly. This trick works only on airlines that don't use the boarding pass system.
If you want to be covered completely, use the hopper-bopper method described in the section on Buses, with this added security precaution. Buy two tickets from different cashiers, or better still, one from an agent in town. Both will be on the same flight. Only one ticket will be under a phony name and for the short hop, white the ticket under your real name will be for your actual destination. At the boarding counter, present the short hop ticket. You will be given an envelope with a white receipt in it. Actually, the white receipt is the last leaf in your ticket. Once you are securely seated and aloft, take out the ticket with your name and final destination. Gently peel away everything but the white receipt. Place the still valid ticket back in your pocket. Now remove from the envelope and destroy the short hop receipt. In its place, put the receipt for the ticket you have in your pocket.
When you land at the short hop airport, stay on the plane. Usually the stewardesses just ask you if you are remaining on the flight. If you have to, you can actually show her your authentic receipt. When you get to your destination, you merely put the receipt back on the bonafide ticket that you still have in your pocket. It isn't necessary that they be glued together. Present the ticket for a refund or exchange it for another ticket. This method works well even in foreign countries. You can actually fly around the world for $88.00 using the hopper-bopper method and switching receipts.
If you can't hack these shucks you should at least get a Youth Card and travel for half fare. If you are over twenty-two but still in your twenties, you can easily pass. Get a card from a friend who has similar color hair and eyes. Your friend can easily get one from another airline. You can master your friend's signature and get a supporting piece of identification from him to back up your youth card if you find it necessary. If you have a friend who works for an airline or travel agency, just get a card under your own name and an age below the limit. Your friend can validate the card. Flying youth fare is on stand-by, so it's always a good idea to call ahead and book a number of reservations under fictitious names on the flight you'll be taking. This will fuck up the booking of regular passengers and insure you a seat.
By the way, if you fly cross-country a number of times, swipe one of the plug-in head sets. Always remember to pack it in your traveling bag. This way you'll save a two dollar fee charged for the in-flight movie. The headsets are interchangeable on all airlines.
One way to fly free is to actually hitch a ride. Look for the private plane area located at every airport, usually in some remote part of the field. You can find it by noticing where the small planes without airline markings take off and land. Go over to the runways and ask around. Often the mechanics will let you know when someone is leaving for your destination and point out a pilot. Tell him you lost your ticket and have to get back to school. Single pilots often like to have a passenger along and it's a real gas flying in a small plane.
Some foreign countries have special arrangements for free air travel to visiting writers, artists or reporters. Brazil and Argentina are two we know of for sure. Call or write the embassy of the country you wish to visit in Washington or their mission to the United Nations in New York. Writing works best, especially if you can cop some stationery from a newspaper or publishing house. Tell them you will be writing a feature story for some magazine on the tourist spots or handcrafts of the country. The embassy will arrange for you to travel gratis aboard one of their air force planes. The planes leave only from Washington and New York at unscheduled times. Once you have the O.K. letter from the embassy you're all set. This is definitely worth checking out if you want to vacation in a foreign country with all sorts of free bonuses thrown in.
A one-way ride is easy if you want to get into skyjacking. Keep the piece or knife in your shoe to avoid possible detection with the "metal scanner," a long black tube that acts like a geiger counter. Or use a plastic knife or bomb. It's also advisable to wrap your dope in a non-metallic material. Avoid tinfoil.
The crews have instructions to take you wherever you want to go even if they have to refuel, but watch out for air marshals. To avoid air marshals and searches pick an airline which flies short domestic hops. You should plan to end up in a country hostile to the United States or you'll end up right back where you came from in some sturdy handcuffs. One dude wanted to travel in style so he demanded $100,000 as a going-away gift. The airlines quickly paid off. The guy then got greedy and demanded a hundred million dollars. When he returned to pick up the extra pocket money, he got nabbed. None the less, skyjacking appears to be the cheapest, fastest way to get away from it all.
