Free Money
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Abbie's prediction may be coming true. Amerika could be on the slide toward being a poor third world nation. It could be what game theory based economic education leads to, everyone grabbing as big a slice for themselves as they can only weighing the punishment against the potential gains. At this pace, in a few years, the Amerikan dollar might not even be worth the paper it's printed on. In the future, it might as well be used as asswipe or require wheelbarrows full just to get a loaf of bread.
Till then, there are many things that require money. Free Money will only discuss semi-legal ways to get money that does not entail working or stealing. Those are in different sections.
Get a Job has ideas about working for someone else and maybe ways out of wage slavery.
Steal Now Pay Never and it's subpages are an amoral guide on modern techniques and observations where thievery may be necessary.
Contents |
[edit] Panhandling
Panhandling is easier than your mom. Just get a cardboard sign with a message like "broke and hungry" or "traveling, and need supplies." I find that saying you're hitchhiking across the state really helps. If you aren't broke, hungry, or traveling you could always just be funny. A good line like "I wanna drink", "I'll be honest. I want a beer" or "Support Your Local Bums" will get you enough to get a buzz. One successful panhandler (witnessed by one of our writers) used a two-sided sign that read "Dreaming Of A Cheeseburger". When establishing eye contact with a driver, he flipped it over to read "But Will Settle For A Taco".
People want to give you money if they think you'll use it to get yourself out of a rut, not further in to one. Don't smoke when begging for change, since people will think that you're already wasting their money. Don't smell like alcohol; swish some mouthwash or chew some mints. Try to wear something that's not totally trashed and smell a little. Smile a little, even if you don't want to. Amerikans hate the poor, so try not to act like a piece of shit.
Don't fuck around though because the cops do not really dig bums. The pigs will end your employment! Be polite and do not be aggressive with ANYONE.
[edit] Windshield cleaning
Steal a squeegee from a gas station pump and find an empty water bottle. Look for an intersection where traffic lights take a while to change, because you will need at least a minute per windshield. Wait in the meridian of a road for the light to turn red and dump the water on a windshield.
Do not bother with drivers that shake their head or yell at you. They're behind two thousand pounds of metal and will definitely not pay for doing something they told you not to do, no matter how desperate you are. Get out of the road when the light turns green, and be careful! This can be a very dangerous way to make a few dollars.
Remember to empty out and crush your cans, deflate and cap the bottles or your bag will be full after a very short time. In some places crushed cans can not be returned as the deposit stamp is obscured or the store uses bag volume to collect the deposits from the state in order to make it difficult on binners.
[edit] Gambling
What discussion on Free Money would be complete without a short mention of gambling? In theory, you walk in, play a game and maybe leave with someone else's cash. However, it is not that simple. The casinos are in the business of taking people's money by offering the chance of something for nothing. The top people that run the business are legalized crooks. Everyone that enters is profiled and monitored by cameras and plain clothes detectives. They have been known to use CIA level tactics on folks that consistently win by 'fair' tactics such as skill (in what few games have skill as a component), card-counting, and knowledge. If a slot machine tends to pay out too much, they have been known to remove the machine from the floor. Or worse, have security goons come up and tell you a machine is 'malfunctioning' when it hits jackpot on.
While casinos have a tough stance against cheating, even if good tactic, they have no problem with rigging a game for themselves. This includes cameras observing the players hands, 'loosening' and 'tightening' slots, and only operating the games that are greatly rigged in their favor, and maintaining industry blacklists.
If you do try your luck, research and stick to games that require skill or have low odds. Although there are some who make a living of bets, they are rare and play almost exclusively against other gamblers. Decadent casinos and their fountains are not built on paying out to winners. Many gamblers that win in casinos, such as Ken Uston or the MIT gang, eventually end up on blacklists. The tactics once used are mostly obsolete, as casinos constantly research modern play styles to keep ahead of smart gamblers.
A very succesful strategy in playing black jack is "loading the table." This is when you, or you and friends, place many bets against the dealer at once. Do not let allow any of your hands to go bust as when the dealer goes bust you all win. Even when the dealer does not bust some hands may still win, or even draw black jack, allowing you a good chance of breaking even. Do not place high bets on single hands.
Casinos have employees called Player Development Coordinators. They keep track of a player's winnings and profile. If it is thought the casino may receive more money, they may give away free meals, hotel rooms, and other perks. They usually reserve the best deals for incredibly wealthy gamblers that spend hundreds, also called "whales". With big whales, the casino may put them in a hotel room days before they even gamble! However, they give comps to the less wealthy as well, if they feel they can get his paycheck in the future. It may pay to ask around and check into Comp programs, but remember to remain skeptical as well as persuasive.
[edit] Online Gambling
Online Gambling can be a source of cash, with some risk. Some poker sites may give you up to a 25% bonus in cash simply for depositing some dough when you sign up. The problem is that many sites are located on off-shore servers with even less oversight than the land based casinos. There have been folks make money, but be careful. These sites can be very easy to rig.
With good research and attentiveness, there are tricks in the card games like Poker. Many sites have low-stakes gambling, where the antes range between a quarter and fifty cents per hand, and the bets and raises are limited. If you learn what cards to play and how to play them, you might could earn about $50 a week or more, with only a few hours in front of the computer. Many of the other players at those low-stakes tables are newbies, who don't know what they're doing, or veteran players looking for some relaxation, and they both can play recklessly. They don't care about losing a buck fifty here, three dollars there. But to revolutionaries, $4.50 is a full meal. As long as you play more carefully than most of the other people at the table, you may come out ahead.
[edit] The Lottery
The chance of you and anyone you know sharing a birthday is 1 in 365, or 0.2%. However, the chance of any 40 people sharing a birthday is significantly higher, at 90%! Consider the birthday paradox while playing the lottery. Although somebody who plays the lottery, including scratch tickets, wins, the chance of anybody in particular winning is very slim. The sole excuse in playing the lottery is the fleeting dream you may have of winning. Remember the French proverb; "Lotteries are a tax on people who can't perform mathematics."
[edit] Selling Your Body
As an organism, all people have renewable resources which can have cash value. The more popular ones will be discussed.
[edit] Sperm
Imagining the sound of a cash jackpot when you masturbate seems almost too good to be true at least for males. Indeed, there has been much talk on this in "free money" discussions. Strict requirements for very little cash limits this as a realistic choice for many. Sperm banks do not advertise, either. You will need to look in the phone book to find them.
Sperm banks have very high standards that eliminate most potential donors. First off, you must be 18 to 35 in great health. They are going to want extensive family history information which includes grandma's schitzo episodes and your dad's TB. You can be disqualified for failing a drug test, having poor eye sight, not being of fashionable body build or race, diabetic, placed poorly on a standardized test, etc.. They will outright reject your sperm if you are adopted.
If approved, they will provide you with a collection cup and 'study aid' porno magazines. You can not use a lubricant as it contaminates sperm. They may pay you between 50 and 100 USD per specimen after you sign a commitment to return two or three times a week. You will also have to agree to abstain from ejaculating outside the office to protect your sperm count.
[edit] Blood
There is no cash in blood, except in rare circumstance. Blood bank companies typically visit various sites like school and work places as a 'charity'. Volunteers willingly donate for an advertisement tee-shirt. The blood bank then sells the collection to local hospitals for negligible profit.
[edit] Plasma
In most major cities, there are places you can sell blood plasma. Plasma is the liquid portion of your blood. They hook you up to a machine that separates your blood cells from the plasma then returns the blood cells to you. Not everyone qualifies, because they do tests on your blood to make sure iron levels, red blood cell count, etc. are to standards. You can also be disqualified if you are a man who admits having sex with men, admit to previous IV drug use, have donated blood within a certain time frame, or have certain medical conditions. Some facilities frown on selling to folks out of state and will want to see an in-state ID, but this differs depending on the place. They are also going to drug test you for Heroin and also test you for Hepititis and AIDS.
You can sell twice every 7 days and the prices vary from 20 USD to 50 USD a pop or more depending on area and blood type. Sometimes the centers take walk-ins, other times an appointment must be made. The first time you go, be prepared to be there for about 3 to 4 hours as they are going to give you a physical exam, have you fill out paperwork, and may make you watch a movie. The process of giving plasma itself is about an hour or so procedure. They mark your fingernail with a permanent ink that shows under a black light to make sure you do not go to multiple plasma centers throughout the day.
Doing this long term eventually messes up the veins in your arms and can leave scars. You should always drink plenty of fluids when selling plasma as you can get dizzy and dehydrated easily.
[edit] Kidneys and other Major Organs
Even though there are millions looking for life saving transplants, it is illegal in most parts of the world. In the parts of the world where it is legal (like Iran), the price is very low (around 1000 USD) and the surgery can leave you with serious complications.
[edit] Hair
High quality wig makers still use real human hair. But, you will have to look around to sell it. Typically, they want virgin (unbleached, not dyed, no perm) hair that is at least 10 inches or longer. The hair of chronic chain smokers is undesirable because the smell lingers in hair for long periods. Nor is hair that is shampooed daily wanted because it strips natural oils.
There are sites like http://www.thehairtrader.com/ that provide a marketplace. Typical sales range from 100 USD to 400 USD. Some will pay up to 1000 USD for highly fashionable hair with the right color and length.
[edit] Escort Service, Prostitution, and Strip Clubs
Since the origin of civilization people have been exchanging sex and companionship for goods, regardless of gender. Now prostitution can be dangerous, degrading, work; and it is not exactly free. The best sex workers are great conversationalists, keep immaculate care of their appearance, and are experts at appearing 'into' someone even if they are not.
Porn is almost prostitution but at least it is legal. Youth and an attractive appearance are prerequisites unless you are interested in fetish pornography. Men will usually not get paid much, even for gay porn scenes, unless they are one of few worldwide male stars, or they are willing to do some unusual stuff. There are a lot of volunteers willing to screw porn stars for free. Women mostly burn out after just few years in the business. Additionally, your acting work is completely public once released. This could be used to discredit activists, organizations, or career professionals.
Phone sex is reasonably safe. You might end up with strange working conditions and coworkers and the pay is often low since there is negligible risk. This can not be considered free as it is a regular hourly job.
Stripping is a safe, well paying job that runs the sole risk of being naked in front of your friends. If that's not something you mind, and you're willing to learn pole dancing, then stripping may make you some decent money. Most clubs have many bouncers to stop guys from getting too close to you. Stripping is a very competitive industry however, and only the most attractive or talented strippers get regular billing.
However, these roles have expiry dates. The sex industry runs on body-fuck drug use with few consequences, and can leave you addicted. Many that run the business actually condone addiction as a method to control labor. Sex workers are used, then spit out with no safe guards. The repeated selling of sex can expose you to many diseases. It will also affect their long term interest in sex and leaves unhealthy attitudes with future relationships.
[edit] Online Surveys/polls
Some online survey offers are scams to collect valid e-mail addresses while some are legitimate, paying, survey companies. You may be asked to watch a movie trailer or give an opinion on cell phones, packaging art, etc. Generally the surveys do not take long, but they don't pay much. Some survey websites give 'points' redeemable for entry into lotteries for prizes or money, while others mail checks or add to a paypal accounts after a quota has been completed. A few survey websites mail samples of their products.
Be sure to read the fine print. You may be required to sign you up for a mailing list, or worse, a paid text message subscription. Also, some survey companies keep ad bots and web trackers on your browser, or sell valid email addresses to bots and spammers.
[edit] Recycle
Aluminum from soda cans, copper from wiring, newspapers, etc. can be sold to recycling centers for a few bucks. Problem is, you may need a ton of it to get any worthwhile amount. Paper seems to be the worst because the recycle plant usually has deals with the paper companies where you would have to have a truckload just for a few bucks. Aluminum is slightly better, but you need several trash bags full of crushed cans. The prices vary widely from area to area and time to time. Check with the recycle center to see if selling after paying for the gas to get there is profitable.
[edit] Bottle Deposit
Some states have bottle and can deposit programs in place.
Get a pair of cheap gloves and a large, empty, backpack; line it with a garbage bag. Around popular downtown areas and beaches in the summer you will find many empty cans in garbage containers and grocery stores you can return them to regularly. Remember where the bottle depots are, and which stores will let you return an unlimited amount, electronic return machines that print a deposit return slip are best.
Alternately, you can use a bike or skateboard to go along the beach or a busy street and simply grab the cans and bottle sitting around. If you're along a busy jogging path you can hold a sign asking for empty bottles, and you'll have a bag full in no time. Also, if you know popular spots young people drink at night you can simply ask them for their empties and you may make a few dollars quickly.
Remember to empty out and crush your cans, deflate and cap the bottles or your bag will be full after a very short time. In some places crushed cans can not be returned as the deposit stamp is obscured or the store uses bag volume to collect the deposits from the state in order to make it difficult.
[edit] 10. Original Free Money
No book on survival should fail to give you some good tips on how to rip-off bread. Really horning in on this chapter will put you on Free-loader Street for life, 'cause with all the money in Amerika, the only thing you'll have trouble getting is poor.
[edit] Original Panhandling
The practice of going up to folks and bumming money is a basic hustling art. If you are successful at panhandling, you'll be able to master all the skills in the book and then some. To be good at it requires a complete knowledge of what motivates people. Even if we don't need the bread, we panhandle on the streets in the same way doctors go back to medical school. It helps us stay in shape. Panhandling is illegal throughout Pig Empire, but it's one of those laws that is rarely enforced unless they want to "clean the area" of hippies. If you're in a strange locale, ask a fellow panhandler what the best places to work are without risking a bust. Do it in front of supermarkets, theaters, sporting events, hip dress shops and restaurants. College cafeterias are very good hunting grounds.
When you're hustling, be assertive. Don't lean against the wall with your palm out mumbling "Spare some change?" Go up to people and stand directly in front of them so they have to look you in the eye and say no. Bum from guys with dates. Bum from motherly looking types. After a while you'll get a sense of the type of people you get results with.
Theater can be real handy. The best actors get the most bread. Devising a street theater skit can help. A good prop is a charity canister. You can get them by going to the offices of a mainstream charity and signing up as a collector. Don't feel bad about ripping them off. Charities are the biggest swindle around. 80% or more of the funds raised by honky charities go to the organization itself. New fancy cars for the Red Cross, inflated salaries for the executives of the Cancer Fund, tax write-offs for Jerry Lewis. You get the picture. A good way to work this and keep your karma in shape is to turn over half to a revolutionary groups such as your local underground. Remember, fugitives from injustice depend on you to survive. Be a responsible member of our nation. Support the only war we have going!
