Panhandling
From Steal This Wiki
Go back to Free Money
Return to original Table of Contents
[edit] Panhandling
Panhandling is easier than your mom. Just get a cardboard sign with a message like "broke and hungry" or "traveling, and need supplies." I find that saying you're hitchhiking across the state really helps. If you aren't broke, hungry, or traveling you could always just be funny. A good line like "I wanna drink" or "Support Your Local Bums" will get you enough to get a buzz. Don't fuck around though because the cops do not really dig bums. The pigs will end your employment for the day and take away anything you are selling! Be polite and do not be aggressive with ANYONE.
If you're young selling water on the street is great. Buy a pack of many small water bottles, and sell the tiny bottles for 50 cents. Only approach cars when there is a red light, or you are going to get hit by some douche bag on a cellphone. NEVER buy bottles of water individually. Get the big 10$ - 20$ bundles if you wanna make some dough. Fresh bread or burned CD's are also ideas. Steal a squeegee from a gas station and grab an empty water bottle. Stand in the meridian of a road and just dump it on peoples windows. Dont even bother if they shake their head or yell at you, because they're the ones behind two thousand pounds of metal. Besides, they wont pay you for doing something they told you not to, no matter how desperate you are.
People want to give you money if they think you'll use it to get yourself out of a rut, not further in to one. Dont smoke when begging for change, people will think that you're already wasting their money. Dont smell like alcohol, swish some mouthwash or chew some mints. Try to wear something that's not totally trashed and smell a little. Smile a little, even if you dont want to. Amerikans hate the poor, so try not to act like a piece of shit.
[edit] Original Panhandling
The practice of going up to folks and bumming money is a basic hustling art. If you are successful at panhandling, you'll be able to master all the skills in the book and then some. To be good at it requires a complete knowledge of what motivates people. Even if we don't need the bread, we panhandle on the streets in the same way doctors go back to medical school. It helps us stay in shape. Panhandling is illegal throughout Pig Empire, but it's one of those laws that is rarely enforced unless they want to "clean the area" of hippies. If you're in a strange locale, ask a fellow panhandler what the best places to work are without risking a bust. Do it in front of supermarkets, theaters, sporting events, hip dress shops and restaurants. College cafeterias are very good hunting grounds.
When you're hustling, be assertive. Don't lean against the wall with your palm out mumbling "Spare some change?" Go up to people and stand directly in front of them so they have to look you in the eye and say no. Bum from guys with dates. Bum from motherly looking types. After a while you'll get a sense of the type of people you get results with.
Theater can be real handy. The best actors get the most bread. Devising a street theater skit can help. A good prop is a charity canister. You can get them by going to the offices of a mainstream charity and signing up as a collector. Don't feel bad about ripping them off. Charities are the biggest swindle around. 80% or more of the funds raised by honky charities go to the organization itself. New fancy cars for the Red Cross, inflated salaries for the executives of the Cancer Fund, tax write-offs for Jerry Lewis. You get the picture. A good way to work this and keep your karma in shape is to turn over half to a revolutionary groups such as your local underground. Remember, fugitives from injustice depend on you to survive. Be a responsible member of our nation. Support the only war we have going!
