Unemployment

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Unemployment

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Lots of bong heads and boarders do the US Forest Service fire fighter, ski lift operator cycle year after year. They build up just enough hours at these slacker jobs to ride out spring and fall living off of the man while faking their job search records. Remember always apply for jobs making very high salaries during unemployment "job search" the worst case is you are not hired best case you are a brain surgeon or rocket scientist for two weeks until they discover you are and idiot and give you a $50k severance package.

Original Unemployment

Every outlaw should learn everything there is to know about the rules governing unemployment insurance. As in the case of welfare rules, eligibility, and the size of payments differ from state to state. In New York, you are eligible for payments equivalent to half your weekly salary before taxes up to $65 per week, on the condition that you have worked for a minimum of twenty weeks during the year. Payments are somewhat lower in most other states. In order to collect, you must show you are actively searching for a job and keep a record of employers you contact. This can easily be fudged. Every time you're questioned about it, mention one or two companies. If your hair is long, you'll have no problem. Just say they won't hire you until you get a haircut. When this is the case, the unemployment office cannot cut off your payments or your hair. They also cannot make you accept a job you do not want. Tell them any job offer you get is not challenging enough for your talents. Unemployment can be collected for six months before payments are terminated. Twenty more weeks of slavery and you can go back to maintaining your dignity in the unemployment line. These job insurance payments cannot be taxed and since you are working so few weeks out of each year, your taxable income is at a minimum. Read all the fine print for tax form 1040 and discover all the deductible loopholes available to you. You should wind up paying no taxes at all or having all the taxes that were deducted from your pay reimbursed. Never turn over to the pig government any funds you can rip off. Remember, it isn't your government, so why submit to its taxation if you feel you do not have representation.